Monday, March 9, 2009

Me, Ignorance, A two faced(or a multi faced) individual....


I have always been a deep thinker and untill lately had been expressing what ever I thought....i was wondering last night, Have I changed too much to fit into this society which wants me to be good on the outside; The ruthless society keeps reminding me that 'its none of my business'...
I have not been feeling too good about the new ME as it doesn't fit into my way of being.
People know me as an extrovert....but I fall into another category of extroverts(this categorization is done after I realized that I actually am not an extrovert but...), the category of people who speak too much and express a lot but do not speak up when it hurts them the most, who do not express what they expect, fear expressing their dislikes which might contradict the likes of a friend or a family member....as a sense of insecurity creeps in..the insecurity of loosing the close ones.....

I haven't been the best of listeners as I have surrendered to the way of being non considerate, believe me its just a pretension, the thinking never ends...

I have created a so called shield which possibly appears to be a strong one but the flip side to this shield is that it has pokes on the inside, the more am hit on from the outside and it totally appears that I am safe and sound (or a hard nut to crack), I am pricked harder from within...


Is this all IGNORANCE on my part? as they say ignorance is bliss ... i really doubt ...as am not at any ease now...its the same as it was earlier but yes the sure thing is that I am less vulnerable, I have got rid of the worry to be attacked(is this too strong a word??) by any one.......

Like always there are strings attached with every action....this change(which is just a visual change, as i am the same from within) has left me a little less involved with society, I have been keeping a distance which is not called for and hence...I have a few people in my life who have seen the good part of me and perceive me as a absolutely different person, and there are a few who i wish to show the good part of me but still don't take me the way they should..is this due to my so called double(or hidden) personality, after all I am a hard core Gemini..I wouldn't like to prove the astrologers wrong..Talking about astrology Gemini'ans, the following about us seems to be surely true...

"Others will think that Gemini are fun to be with, but your ability to change with the changing winds can also lead others to see Gemini as shallow"

The seriousness I carry at times brings in a total conflict with my lightened mood which prevails most of the time which obviously becomes a reason for dislike for many, but as it was said in a movie(now i dont remember which one) "When its about seriousness, I am bloody serious"...

As of now I seem to be very much confused about the 'way of being' that is best for me...for my close ones...

:)

Cheers!!

Vaibhav Pruthi.........

2 comments:

deepti said...

hey slow down .... there has to be a compromise.. how much you want to "fit in" is the call you have to take... nobody can be perfectly fitted in this society... so try to be one....

Vaibhav said...

yea deepti, you are right...thats what is calling for an introspection ...and hence this post...m surely not looking for a perfect Fit...but yes...a perfect fit among the ppl who matter to me the most!!