Wednesday, October 8, 2008

UPSETS!!

Upsets- What sets them up?


I am upset with you;
I am upset with him….
I am upset because of you….
I am upset because I thought….
I am upset I couldn’t…..
…………I AM JUST…………
UPSET….. UPSET……. UPSET……

UPSETS …..Is something we all are bounded with, complains are all we have and reasons are all we give. Have we ever actually tried to understand the real cause for these upsets…? Since the fact is that upsets do not see a person maturity in age but in mind…..not the strength of ones body but the strength of ones soul.
However, we fail to understand the reasons behind UPSETS…Have we ever actually tried to analyze the reasons behind them???? Let’s put some light on the same….problems…then complains…and then reasons…and ultimately US…
What I discuss here are the reasons behind the above mentioned scenario that to be noted is a part and parcel of every body’s life and thus throw some light on the ever-consuming and omnipresent facts of life we refer as upsets.
But lets not do it an article way….same old reading stuff…..if we here are trying to solve your problems…lets involve you…..So what here I would suggest all of you is that abide with the following mentioned instruction… believe me it wouldn’t only make it more helpful but more fun too….

To start with think of a recent incident that disturbed you emotionally. Now rate over your experiences of the past few days and try to figure out if there was a distressing episode that perhaps left you unsatisfied and incomplete somewhere inside and concerned about you and your surroundings. Now what you do next is analyze this trouble and nail down the roots of its origin and it’s after effects.
Note... that the upset can be caused by any one of the three reasons mentioned below... Psychologically talking, no other reason is strong enough to trigger an emotional upheaval.

1. THWARTED INTENTION
Intention is something that differentiates between a murder and self defense….An intention is something that could change not the facts but circumstances we are dealing with. So here also when we are dealing with an emotional upheaval intention clears up the issue of WHY the thing happened actually. When we are upset in such a scenario we do not have a clear intention in the committing the act or doing the contemporary job that actually resulted in the upset or emotional breakdown and so perhaps back in our minds the intention does not get fulfilled as we desired it to be, we all know half baked cake is as good as no cake at all…..i.e. if the intention is not fulfilled completely we ought to become restless. This might have happened because of lack of commitment towards the cause, or say, a half hearted approach or difficulty in perceiving what the situation actually demanded, or rather not understanding what the situation actually demanded.

2. UNFULFILLED EXPECTATION
Another aspect that might just in Choate turmoil is an unfulfilled expectation. Like intention expectations are also weavers of unrest and disturbed mind in a human life. We expect from people in our surroundings to actually fulfill our requirements, keeping in mind the informality level amongst each other, in other words we want people to reciprocate the favors done by us. Reciprocations are a way of life when one talks of mutual sharing and understanding and if an act of help and assistance is not appreciated or responded to it produces emotional turmoil. This lack of response leads to a sense of disappointment which generates a sense of displeasure and ultimately, one gets entangled in the vicious circle of unhappiness and sorrow. This leads to a spiral effect and we keep spinning in it which can be overcome only by the will to let go things on and think new and afresh and to add on inculcate a feeling of giving and forgetting, because if you do not forget a favor done on others you are again tending to expect.” so forgive and forget”.

3. COMMUNICATION GAPYet another reason for emotional upheaval is the enough mentioned and talked about “communication gap”. At times people overlap the concept of forgiving and forgetting with speaking less. The failure to communicate properly what one feels is one of the chief reasons for misery and despondence. The fate of a relation lies on the communicating prowess of the people and hence, if a person is none the wiser about his/her counterpart’s feelings then it becomes awfully difficult to maintain a feeling of semblance which again creates friction and dissatisfaction because if there has been a thing that did hurt you and you are trying to forget it n forgive the person just for a simple reason that you read it somewhere and down in your heart you keep cribbing over it….its of no use to you or for that matter anybody, its your peace of mind that is being disturbed. Again this feeling of antipathy and numbness takes over which exacerbates depression and loneliness.

So if we closely scrutinize the troubles and problems we are having and try to find a driving nemesis behind it we will realize that each upset stems from one of the three above-mentioned causes.
So what we found is that to overcome an UPSET we need to stop blaming others and try to rectify our thought processes based on the above three reasons i.e.
1. Our Intentions
2. Our Expectations
3. Communication Gap
And formulate a plan of action to combat any upset we encounter then with full hope I can say we would be able to lead our mind into soul’s peace.
.

Monday, July 7, 2008

CUT THE CRAP...!!!

( Coming soon!!! )

Thursday, June 26, 2008

True Friends....

Who can b together without any special effort to live together and help each other without any special effort to help each other?"

Am trying to imply that Friendship can not be forced or faked.

being friends "without ny special effort", was the mark of True Friendship....

In some ways, in order to find True Friends, is it beneficial to regres to a child-like state ? To turn off our adult filters and forced acceptors ?

Then, will we just know who are True Friends are....
just leave your self free, You would find sweetness in the relation, you would love 'BEING FRIENDS'

yes I do have friends who i love being with, with whome I dont need to put efforts to keep the friendship alive, Its sooo free, so clean and sooo transparent..,Its absolute trust!!

There is soo much of forgiveness and there is immense trust, there is unasked support during times of trouble ..!! its always alive!!

Tuesday, April 8, 2008

EXPRESSION FUL LIFE...

Relationships & Expression

I love my dad , I feel sorry for what ever I did , I didn’t want my friend to take me in such a way , I meant something else, I wanted to tell him something , I lost a chance to tell him that I loved him , I wanted to hug my mom every morning , I wanted to take care of my little brother , but………!!

This is what we live in a big and never ending ‘BUT’ .

Why have we made it a habit to regret, why not put things straight and let off this BUT from our lives. Same is in case of relationships that matter so much to most of us,I would be really surprised to know that some one feels that relations don’t matter. Most of our tensions , our worries or putting it in an optimistic tone , most of our concerns are relations , let them be with parents , with friends which we choose very carefully, with love partner or any one with whom we share some level of care. We fail to understand the reasons for strained relations.

I shall not be discussing all reasons leading to not so good relations how ever I shall have a single most important point discussion which can cause a major break through in your life and your relations.

It is very important for you to take yourself through the text, need your presence in it to understand the underlying discussion.

I will tell you a small instance from which I will try to explain what I am trying to say.

There were two sisters ,one was very beautiful and the other wasn’t so beautiful.One day they had a few guests visit their house and one of them happened to say that the elder daughter is more beautiful than the younger one. The younger sister having heard this had a churn in mind , a burst in her heart , and this was the end of the sweet relation these sisters had. The younger sister decided that she was going to be better than her elder sister in everything possible and had made it a point to always dominate. On the contrary the elder sister could never understand the reasons for such change in attitude , how ever she always tried to do good for her and tried to give that protective shield she thought was her duty to give being the elder sister.

Years passed on like this , today the elder sister is in India, and the younger sister is married and lives in UK. Now that she is mature she recalls her days and realizes that she was all the time victimizing her sister for reason that was not at all a valid reason(she concludes this after some on helps her introspect and think deep into what she had been doing). How ever she was hesitant to talk to her sister and say that she loves her and that she was sorry for all she did all through to trouble her. She kept on thinking to say it but postponement was all she could do.

The elder sister recently met with an accident. The younger sister wanted to say sorry ,that’s it , she couldn’t . The elder sister was no more alive. She was left incomplete with her sister and now she would never be able to complete, the pain of which still haunts her.

My point of discussion is not concentrated towards the sister reacting to be-little her sister all the time , but the point here is the incomplete relation and non expression.

It is very important for all of us to complete with our loved ones , It is very important we express , It is very important to say ‘I love you’ , It is essential to understand the power of confession. As it is very rightly said ‘ Words not said , are words not heard’. We should try and understand the practical side , it is just not possible for two people to know how they feel about each other until and unless they say it out or actions are in accordance.

If you love your dad , say so , if you care for him , a small gesture such as saying that ‘I care for you’ is not going to take anything of you , its going to add a big smile on his face and make his day. Its going to give you the strength to talk to him freely and remove the so called non existent gap you have developed over the years, mind it I am saying a non existent gap because it is a fictitious gap which is self made. All that has been created out of perceptions and non expression of thought and thus leading to non clarification at every stage , which ultimately leads to accumulation of not so good perceptions about your dad and his concern for you starts appearing to be a pretence.

In nut shell I would request all to lead a life of expression , thus lead an empowered life where your relations are strongly held by the power of trust which again can only be achieved through expression.

Happy ‘expression full’ Life..!

Silent Evil...!!

Silent Devil – Expectations…!!!

The absolute reason for extended tensions…The reason for strained relation between couples, friends brothers … any one who shares more than just a relation with any one else is enslaved to this master called Expectation, I call it the master because it ends up ruling most of us.

I am motivated to write on this because my experience over the 2 years at my B-School has taught me how not to be a slave to the self-proclaimed master. Though not always but yes most of the times am able to be a master of my thoughts …

Recently had a discussion with a friend on this and surprisingly during my discussion I was able to give reasons and ways not to allow the devil(‘expectations’) rule us.. . . which I had never thought of before…though I was unknowingly practicing it for quite a while now.

We should realize that every individual has a different threshold... a different level of understanding the other person … One may be able to read the other when he or she is upset but at the same time the other might not be able to realize the same… this is where one needs a little more maturity and a balanced expectation, now I do not say holding expectations isn’t right but letting them be on you is the test… Expect realistically, and the time you understand how to handle it …you suddenly find relations being amazingly beautiful… because there is no point pulling some one to a level of your expectations which might be uncomfortable resulting in tension at both the ends..

So be realistic, do not stretch any one to a zone where it becomes daunting for both( here I am referring to 1-1 relations say Brother-brother, friend-friend, etc….)

Coming up next on another way to ease expectations… EXPRESSIONS…!!

All the best..!!

Monday, April 7, 2008

What will 'People' Say...???

'People'
God ..! why do we encircle ourselves into this ..??
Why do we need to let 'PEOPLE' define our steps...?
why do we need to be good to some one because people have accepted the the person..and why do we need to be rude t some one because people have discarded the person...why do we need to buy something because people like it..!
Take a break...Release us

All of us spend most of our time trying to 'look good' ..in literal terms as well..

Pretense has been the way for many and surprisingly these are the people who actually win a lot in life ..hold on..am not submitting to this way of being...because this way of being's victory is hollow...its all temporary glory....

The very reason for pretense is non acceptability by society....But the sad part is pretense actually sends you away from reality, you are then just left to be used by society...used i would say because when under the pretense phase you are ready to do anything to please people around you..you loose your self respect, you are 'just among the people around' .....

Your life turns into one of 'use and throw' ..

Because you are chained into the artificial way of being..!
you are avoided when not needed..
you are discarded when you are useless..

Yes...you do get a little popular...but thats just for the time when we need some one to joke around about...

My discussion was not just about pretense..
i was talking about 'People' effecting your decisions...

would continue later...


TIME...!

Days should have been atleast 40 hours long and all the clocks, watches or anything that shows the ‘time’ should be destroyed. What is this life? Iam totally chained by my watch. What I do every hour of the day is decided from the day before. All spontaneity has vanished. No time to day-dream(barring those study mins during xams which are no more there now that am through with my MBA ). but i have time to blog.. :)